Farewell

Bye bye peeps.

So long bloggie.

I'm moving somewhere else - somewhere else where I can blog in peace and quiet about what I want and whatever I like.

Farewell!

New Year's eve

It all started in mid-December 2007. All the way till 2007's New Year's eve.

They say: What you do on the stroke of midnight on New Year's day is what you're gonna be doing for the rest of the year.

One year of anger.
One year of insecurities.
One year of mistrust.
One year of frustration.
One year of tears.
One year of arguments.

Till today, we're still arguing.

Yeah, it's my fault that I want to go out with someone for a drink and you insisted on joining.

You said that I never find a vent for my emotions, that I just keep everything bottled up inside of me. Every time we fight, I am emotionless, that I don't show whether I'm angry or sad or frustrated. So when I find someone to talk to, you ask whether I tell people the whole story.

I want to talk to my friend(s), you were there. You don't know me. You don't know how I story my friends. All you think is that if people know about the shit I go through, they will have a chance to step into this relationship. All you worry is about your reputation (or if you're capable of having any) if I tell people what you have done.

You are the one who caused me so much pain and sadness, I don't think you're capable of understanding what I want.

You don't understand the hurt you've caused me before. The things you said, the things you did, the threats.... Just be freaking glad that I'm still on talking terms with you.

And you want to say that I was finding fault when you wanted to expand your circle of friends?

Oh wait, it's my fault.

****
1st call: Ask whether wanna go Genting on Jan 1st with Y and M. I said ok.
2nd call: Ask whether wanna go clubbing. M's sister's friend has a private pub and the alternative is Karaoke.

Sorry lor, but spending New Year's eve within four walls is fucking sad.

So I said no Karaoke. Fine.

3rd call: You really want to go clubbing?
I edi said no lastime because it was gonna be dem fucking packed and the cover charge is gonna cost a bomb.

Yak yak yak and he fucking said that I shouted. Well, well.

Not to mention that this evening, I was going for drinks with JC tonight and because someone suddenly appeared, I'd rather not go just so that no one gets burnt from my recent bout of emo-ness.

So another call: why never go yum cha.
me: because some other people were going also.
him: so it was only you and him is it?
me: yeah
him: is it because he asked you to go drinking again (because JC asked me go drink yesterday)
me: no. I already told you why
him: no ma, because yesterday he asked you to go drinking....
me: no.

Should I not be pisssed off at this stage? If you're gonna have your own analysis, then why bother asking me in the first place? Better not ask because you don't accept my answers. How many fucking times have I told you that?

I dont know whether you call that damn fucking stupid or just brainless. Or maybe I "don't communicate with people properly for a person who studied mass communication" (his exact words).

Sumore wanna tell me: ENOUGH. You are the one who doesnt know what is enough or whether you've pushed the limit.

If I spend this New Year's eve with you, I'm going to be spending the night worrying if someone will see me with you. That's not something I wanna spend my New Year's eve doing.

This has been the shittiest, most fucked up, horrible year I've ever had. Thanks to you.

Happy New Year.

Tis the season to be jolly...

Merry Christmas everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time to shop for Christmas clothes, pressies for loved ones. Time to bring that frozen turkey out and cook all the yummy yummy food!!!!

I got an event on 16th at Frangipani... Finally can get to taste their food after hearing so many fab reviews about them!!

On 20th, I got family dinner. Time to cook and receive pressies!

Gotta go now. Time to shop for pressies and think what I have to cook for Christmas dinner...

Ta ta and merry christmas!

AGAIN...and again

Again, I'm waiting at the office. Finished the first batch of stickers...maybe about 1, 000 pcs...another 9, 000 pcs to go. Not that much la, hor?

Oh, it's 10.55pm

****

Just as I thought things were taking a change for the better, it had to happen again.

From Saturday morning, until yesterday, 9-ish it was all good and happy.. then it happened AGAIN.

I was out for dinner with Wenz, and when I was close to finishing my dinner, he called.

"why you answer like that? why..."

I was annoyed as hell but I didn't blow my top as i usually did.

After I've dropped Wenz back, I called him as I promised. He asked something that fucking pushed the button and I just told him: I don't want to talk to you. "You go home and rest. Bye" and I hung up.

Well, he has the nerves to call back and ask me the same thing again. And it won't on until this morning.

Of course, he denied this particular thing that I questioned him but there was this particular message he sent me that proved wrong.

I've passed the stage where I care, questioned and fought about anything and everything. As long as I'm happy.

F-it.

****

Okies, next batch of stickies are done... Can go back and sleep after this...damn, i really need my beauty sleep.

Ta.

Waiting..and waiting and waitinggggggg

It's 11.14pm as I'm typing this.

I'm waiting.

Waiting for my boss to approve a list of names so we can print the stickers and slap them on to the invitation cards.

Not a lot, not a big number. Just 10,000 pieces.

Yeah, ten-freaking-thousand pieces.

****

It's been 3 and 1/2 months. It's not been the greatest but these past 2 days were really good.

At least something's happening for good. At least something good came out of all those shouting and crying and anger.

I hope it continues. I still have some hope. I don't have a lot of time to wait. But I still hope. And wait.

****

After waiting for so long, I'm going back home at 11.19pm. A fruitless wait.

Nite nite

I'm alive!!!

Hello peeps, I'm alive!

Anyway, only a handful of you knows what I've been thru the entire time I was away. So here's a quite synopsis:

First of all, I quit my PR job. Don't think I really suit PR and of course, quite a few things happened which further hastened my decision.

I bummed for a couple of months until my bank account told me to buck up otherwise I'd just starve to death. So, remembering that several of my contacts offered to have a chat with me and after those chats, now, I'm working in a publication company, doing sales and marketing.

OK, for the first few months, I've been performing horribly. Just a couple of sales and coordinating some events for some of our major clients.

I'll not go into details but those close to me will know bits and parts of it, and what exactly was the cause of it.

Remember how much I wanted to lose those extra kilos? I managed to lose 15 kilos in about 3-6 mths. Firstly because I was under a lot of stress from my previous job - jumpy client, lack of experience, no senior to guide me, poor time management, excessive workload, etc etc. From August 08 to December 08, my daily diet consisted of coffee, cigarettes, one meal a day, plenty of stress and little sleep.

To add on to that, a certain someone didn't make life easier for me. From N0v 08 to April 09 (after a couple of incidents) my daily diet grew to include arguments, tears of rage and sadness, frustration, extreme highs and even more extreme lows. I can experience intense happiness to utmost sadness within seconds.

So yeah, stress, emotional highs and lows + skipping a couple of meals a day is I tell you, by far the most effective diet I've been experienced (Not that I've tried any pills or anything more than working out). Thank goodness I didn't get any major stretch marks or horrible cellulite.

With 15 kilos lost in a short period of time, mummy thought I had cancer/was anorexic, certain someone thought I was popping pills, I argued with my best friend and didn't talked to each other for more than half a year, my other friend just decided to drop out from my life, lost a year of my life and almost lost myself.

Honestly, I felt like dying. The littlest thing snapped my nerves. I didn't know who to turn to. Everything was just bottled up inside of me.

*I don't know who still reads this blog but some things are just too private to be placed on the World Wide Web. Maybe I should just register another blog under some random name and write all about it*

I th0ught a certain someone would be mature enough to handle things, to be able to pick things up and put them down. Gosh, I was so wrong, so darn, freaking wrong and that got me into some deep shit, till today.

I'm unhappy. Not to the extend of wanting to commit suicide, but I AM CONTEMPLATING ABOUT DOING A DISAPPEARANCE ACT.

No worries, I'll keep you guys updated.

That's all for now. Ta!

Talk about a bad week!!!

I've been kinda arguing with one of my colleagues recently. Like twice in a week.

Firstly, we all service different clients so that we don't fight. We handle from 35 to 150 0r more companies, based on ability.

What we marketers do is to make sure the brands know about our publication, we sell ad space and give them suitable proposals.

Secondly, at a publication, everyone will try their best to sell prime positions because they cost the most (so can hit target faster).

And the story goes:

She and I have been proposing to both our watch clients to take the Outside Back Cover (OBC). Me = 3x (half year); she = 6x (one full year).

All this while, my proposal was for 2009 and I wasn't aware that her proposal included our final issue, Dec 08-Jan 09. During follow-ups, she made it sound like her client IS going to take up all 6 insertions (I'm still under the impression her insertions start in 2009).

One day, my agency called me up for OBC rate and subsequently, they confirmed it.

But I never got the contract. They said that they faxed but nothing ever came thru my office fax. Then she told me: " Oh, R is coming in, but only for one insertion, OBC Dec-Jan 09"

I'm like: "NO WAY, my brand, MB is taking OBC for that issue. They've already confirmed! And how come R is coming in thos year? I thought they were coming in for next year."

"Excuse me, my proposal has always been for them to start in Dec issue!"

"Sorry, but was I suppose to remember what you have proposed to your clients?"

And the story goes on where by we were talking to each other in the very 'mm song' tones, but still speaking softly and in the end, we just concluded by saying: We'll see who get the contract first" as our company was always about a first come first serve basis.

In the end, I got the contract first and she's already left the office for something outside.

I texted her to apologize and vice versa. End of story 1.

The mm song thing was: LIKE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU PROPOSED TO YOUR CLIENTS? YOU AND I BOTH HAVE MORE THAN 150 CLIENTS TO BABYSIT, AND I'M SUPPOSE TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU PROPOSED TO WHICH CLIENT??????????????? AND YOU WANNA PUT THAT BLAME ON ME?????

Story 2:

She's got a super fickle and unsteady client. One moment say A, later say J, then change to Y, etc etc.

So fickle client has event on Friday. Wednesday, we colleagues go out for dinner and I asked whether I was needed for the event. She said currently, she and E will be going, dunno who is the third person, will definitely need another person for registration, maybe me but will ask GM and then let me know.

On Thursday, I was out for morning meeting, came back for lunch and shot straight to an afternoon event, came back and went to another evening event.

In between those times, she never once talked about Friday's event.

Friday morning: I was contemplating what to wear to work and decided on something simple and very casual as I didn't have any meeting.

And then she told me I had to help!!!! I was like: How come you never told me earlier?!?!?!?! She insisted that she did, and I was like dem mm song.

She further went on to say in a very 'arrrggghhh' tone: So now you can help or cannot help? If cannot then I find someone else.

So yeah la, in the end I helped out in the event but...

ARGHHHHHHHHHH....

Of course, more things happened. I update again later